How I Survived a Toxic Workplace
If you've ever left work feeling exhausted for reasons you couldn't quite explain, you're not alone. Perhaps you're even reading this because you're living through something similar right now. Maybe you've been telling yourself things will improve, that things are not as bad as they seem, or that you simply need to try harder. I told myself those same things.
Here’s what happened with me.
The Promise
The workplace was promising. I knew it wasn't perfect and had a reputation that wasn't particularly favourable. There was history and challenges, and so much needed to be done. And that’s exactly what attracted me in the first place.
For someone who enjoys building, improving, and creating change, it felt like a challenge worth taking on. I wanted to contribute and rebuild trust. I was eager to be part of turning things around and making a long-lasting impact.
What I didn't realise at the time was that toxic workplaces rarely look toxic in the beginning. They don't come with warning labels. In fact, they often look like opportunities. A demanding manager can seem committed and has high standards. A difficult culture can feel like something that simply needs time to improve. The signs are not so obvious. And by the time you recognise them, you've often become part of the story yourself.
The Realisation
At first, I ignored many of the signs. I told myself that every workplace has challenges and disagreements. But over time, something felt wrong. There was a lot of negativity around me. Sometimes it came from people within my own team, and occasionally it was directed at me. My manager felt distant, and despite sitting in the same office and attending the same meetings, we never really felt like a team. We were simply a group of people working alongside each other.
Then came the rumours. Conversations seemed to happen everywhere except directly with the people involved. Feedback often reached me through others rather than through honest discussions. It felt like everyone knew something before I did.
The uncertainty became exhausting and my anxiety levels began to rise. I hated coming into the office. I felt alone, unsupported, and isolated. The hardest part was not knowing who I could trust and I began questioning myself.
Was I doing something wrong? Was I the problem? Had I missed something everyone else could see?
Yet, no matter how hard I tried, it never seemed to make a difference. Accomplishments went unnoticed while errors were the loudest. We were often pulled aside individually to be questioned about one another. This was depleting my energy. I was too deep in when I realised that the workplace wasn't just challenging but was changing me. But by then, the damage had already begun.
The Cost
The workplace became something I would carry home with me every day. The distrust I experienced at work slowly began to affect how I viewed people outside it. I found myself questioning the intentions of those around me and I became cautious about what I said, who I said it to, and how much I was sharing. My relationships suffered and I lost trust and friends. Without fully realising it, I was allowing one environment to reshape how I experienced the rest of my life.
My anxiety eventually reached a point where I sought professional help and started therapy. Sleep became a struggle and waking up each morning felt heavier than it should have. Social smoking developed to excessive smoking in search of relief. But the most painful part was the loss of confidence. I was doubting my abilities, questioning my judgement, and second-guessing my skills that I had spent years developing.
And it wasn't just me who lived through it. My family did too. They experienced the mood changes, anxiety, negativity, and the distance. The person who walked into that role excited and optimistic was no longer the same.
When I look back at all this now, I realise that toxic workplaces don't just affect performance but also relationships, health, and identity; even changing the person we are outside of work.
What Didn’t Work
What made the experience even more difficult was that I genuinely believed I could improve it. I tried pleasing my manager and my colleagues and staying neutral within the team. I even invested more time in building relationships and creating connections. I believed that if I supported enough people and demonstrated commitment, things would eventually improve.
So, I worked longer hours, took on more responsibilities, created new ideas and initiatives, and remained silent when I should have spoken up. At other times, I did the opposite and openly shared my concerns, fears, and frustrations, hoping that honesty would lead to understanding and change. Neither approach worked. I kept hoping things would improve with time and that I could heal what was broken. Now, I realise that I spent a long time trying to fix an environment that had no intention of fixing itself. Everything I tried backfired. The more I tried to explain myself, the more misunderstood I felt. The result: I stayed longer than I should have. I finally learnt that not every problem can be solved through effort alone.
What Helped Me Survive
Eventually, I stopped focusing on fixing the workplace and started focusing on protecting myself. Not because I had given up but because I realised that my well-being could not depend on an environment I could not control. One of the most important decisions I made was seeking professional help. Therapy became one of the most valuable tools in helping me understand what I was experiencing, process my emotions, and regain perspective.
I also rebuilt my support system. I developed new friendships and strengthened relationships with people outside the workplace. At the same time, I became more selective about who I trusted within it. Some relationships had become sources of anxiety rather than support and distancing myself from them was necessary. I kept detailed records. Facts helped me stay grounded and I was able to separate reality from perception. I focused on preparing for what came next by investing in developing new skills, learning, and positioning myself for future opportunities.
I also established boundaries that had not existed before, like staying late to prove commitment and allowing work to consume my evenings and weekends. Most importantly, I stopped trying to please everyone and looking for approval. Instead, I focused on doing what was right and what needed to be done. I also found my voice. Rather than carrying concerns in silence, I became more direct and vocal. I spoke about issues when they occurred and said what needed to be said, even when it was uncomfortable. While none of these actions fixed the workplace, they helped me survive it.
The Biggest Lesson
In retrospect, the most important lesson was not how to survive a toxic workplace but understanding how easily we can lose ourselves when we remain in one for too long. Toxic environments rarely damage people overnight. They do it gradually, influencing our decisions and blurring our eyes from the truth. We avoid having the most important conversations and accept standards beyond our values.
One of the hardest truths I had to accept was that resilience and endurance are not always the same thing. I believed that staying, trying harder, and continuing to fight for change were signs of strength. And maybe sometimes they are. But at other times they are signs that we have become fixated on repairing an irreparable environment. The experience also taught me that our self-worth cannot be outsourced to a manager, a workplace, or the opinions of others. Titles change, managers leave, and organisations keep going.
Today, I still believe in commitment, perseverance, and positive change, yet I also believe that nothing is worth sacrificing your health, relationships, or sense of self.
Closing
If you are currently working in a toxic environment, know that the way you feel today is not a reflection of who you are. Difficult workplaces can shrink our confidence, cloud our judgement, and make us question ourselves, but no workplace or manager gets to define your value or worth or what you’re capable of becoming.
And while I would never choose to relive that chapter, I am grateful that it did not become my entire story. It was simply one chapter.